Let down

Hi Feeling like a let down to the people you care about most is never a good feeling especially when it causes that person pain. I guess in a way is just a mechanism to keep from letting people down to often. Some people don't have feelings of guilt very often. Sometimes though, even when I try my hardest, I fail the person I try so hard to please and it makes me see myself as a failure and I start analyzing my life and all of my other failures. I want to be able to trade places with the ones I love when they are in pain without relief. If someone I loved deeply was diagnosed with cancer and I could take it away from them to spare then the agony I would do it in a heart beat. There are only about 6, maybe 7 people I would do this for and 2 of them aren't blood related but they are my family.  I love them with all of my heart and I will continue to love all of them unconditionally. I hate hurting people but specifically the people I love.  I feel as though the last few years have been the hardest of my life yet but sometimes I feel like the worst has yet to come. Also the people you care about the most don't always care about you the most in return. For me there is no lesson except don't get people's hopes up if you're just going to let then down. Guilt is a strong feeling and it will eat you alive if you let it it.